The Same Guy

I can’t blog.

I’ve been blogging in my head and every time I get on a computer, I can’t force myself to write.

Does this make sense to anyone? All I know is that it’s killing me.

Honestly, part of the problem is that I’m on a computer for eight+ hours a day. We’re talking solid, staring at the screen, moving the mouse, typing for at least eight hours. So, when I get home, I usually want nothing to do with a computer.

But, I’ve done that before and still blogged. What’s keeping me from doing it now?

Tonight, Carla and I were talking about AIM. She said that because I’m not there anymore, I feel like that person doesn’t exist. That guy who used to blog all the time is gone.

But that shouldn’t be true. AIM wasn’t my identity any more than DART was my identity or my church or my current job.

You know what’s really crazy? I even wrote a blog about not letting your job be your identity. The irony is that I am, yet again, wrapped up in my job. My job is who I am. If you ask me who I am, I would say that I’m a technical support specialist. Prior to this, I would have said I was a missionary.

However, as my brilliant and beautiful wife pointed out, I’m the same guy that used to write those blogs. Nothing about me has changed, just my job. I still have stories to tell and God is still doing work in my life (is he ever…).

I’m trying to figure out how to summarize this. How to put it into a pithy saying. What answer should I give when someone asks me who I am or what I do? Should I give the churchy answer? “I’m saved by the blood of the Lamb. A sinner, saved by grace.” Or should I say something like “I’m Mark. I love to laugh, read, play, talk, and be with people. I love my family and enjoy being with my wife and children more than anyone else in the world. How lucky is that?”

OK, I was thinking that was going to be a hokey answer, but I like it.

More than anything, I want to be God’s man. I want him to take my heart and soften it. I want him to shape me and mold me to be the man he wants me to be. I don’t want to love the world or anything in the world. I want to be humble and put others first.

I want to be God’s man.